Brody's Birthday

Four years ago we said goodbye to our little man. When you say goodbye before you even get to say hello, it robs you of memories that never got to be. You forever wonder what kind of person they would be, who would they be more like, what made them happy, what made them sad. You grieve for all the firsts you never got to be a part of. 

Four years have passed and we still grieve losing him. I have been told by other loss parents that you never get over losing your baby. I believe that. I know it changed the very fabric of my being. The world will never be the same place it was before May 28, 2005. I will never look at things the same again. I'm part of an elite group I never wanted a membership of. 

When you read pregnancy books you never read a chapter on "what to do if your baby is stillborn". In fact, it was represented as such a rarity that I didn't even consider the possibility. I look back and there are so many things I wish I would have known so I could have implemented them at the time. But I was in such shock, I didn't even know where to find the things I would later wish for.

So, Brody, we miss you little man. We look froward to seeing you when we get to Heaven. Love always, your Momma and Daddy.

Wordless Wednesday

Busy Busy

Chris has an interview again with Houston at 8:30 in the morning. I so pray this is "it".

I have to go officially withdraw Michaela from school today too. My Expedition is ready at the body shop and I have to turn over that wonderful truck I have been driving (see the tears?). 

So, not much going on today, but a lot to do. How does that work?

Happy Memorial Day

Taking a little bit of time to say "Happy Memorial Day" and give pause for those who made the greatest of sacrifices for our country. God bless and thank you so much.

Went to the lake yesterday

We had a really good time!

Just wanted to share a picture or two.

Also...

I spent an hour and forty five minutes straightening Michaela's hair this morning.

:D Her hair is so thick and curly. Takes forever.

Troy makes me smile!

Just today he has said these things:

• Upon waking and find the boat and Daddy are both gone without him: "Why did my Daddy take that boat and what was he thinking going fishing without me?"
• While I was dressing him: "Will you please be my Mommy forever and always?"
• Aunt Karen came in crying and upset and after she left he told me: "I don't like it when she cries. It makes me angry at what made her cry. I like happy, not crying."
• He was SUPPOSED to be on the porch but instead he decided he would surprise Mommy and wash his muddy shoes with the hose. Well, he got SOAKED to the bone and when I brought him in and changed him he said "Aren't you going to spank my bottom for not obeying?" I told him "No, I  don't have any reason to spank you, just please listen to Mommy." and he said "Yeah, but, I think I need a spanking."

And then yesterday:

• I picked him up from the babysitter and he was being hateful telling me "no" when I told him to do things. I had told him earlier we would get ice cream if he was nice. When he told me no, I reminded him that we don't speak ugly and that ugly little boys did not get rewards. So, 15 minutes into our journey home, he said "Are we going to get ice cream now?". I reminded him of how he told me "no" and how he didn't deserve any ice cream. He was quiet the other 20-30 minutes of the ride home. We pulled into the driveway and he said "Momma, could you forgive me for being ugly to you? I promise I won't tell you 'no' anymore." Of course I forgave him.

These years are going to pass too quickly I love him and cherish every day at home with him so much.

Wordless Wednesday

Woo-hoo! Great trip to the mailbox!

I was on a book ordering spree last week. Today, I received these 5 books:

Family Matters, Why Homeschooling Makes Sense by David Guterson

The Well-Trained Mind, A Guide to Classical Education at Home by Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise

Weapons of Mass Instruction & Dumbing Us Down  by John Taylor Gatto

The Duggars: 20 and Counting by Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar

Now, which one to read first???

I am going to be doing some organizing and packing today. Standing on faith that either Houston will call back, or something will come through. We have decided that we will give Houston another 2 or 3 weeks. If they don't make another move, we are going to take the house across town and Chris will just stay here for now. 

It is a pain to move, but this house is just not big enough. We don't even have a table to eat at and it drives me BONKERS. I think Troy would eat much better if we had our table again. Eating at the bar he gets too distracted and it is not interactive. Don't like it at all.

Anyhow, hope everyone is having an awesome week.

4 years this month...

It is been 4 years this month since my little Brody grew his angel wings and went to be with Jesus. I thought after 4 years this would get easier, and for the most part it is. Not a day goes by I don't think of him, wonder what he'd be like, and miss him with a feeling beyond measure. He should be here with us playing with his brother Troy. Two 3 year olds would be a hand-full, but I'd rather have my hands full that part of my heart missing. 

Most days now I don't cry. Most days I can smile when I think of him. Today is not one of those days and I think it has been building. I can't stop thinking about him and missing him. Every day we get closer to his "birth" day, I feel it so much more. Memorial weekend. The weekend we had to say goodbye before we even got to say hello. I still remember it like it was yesterday. His tiny little feet, his broad shoulders, he's cute little turned up nose (like Daddy's). It's all so fresh and yet so distant. 

So...no one remembers his day. No one mentions him. No one honors his life, even as brief as it was. Well, not "no one", but very few. I do. My husband does. My best friend ALWAYS does and acknowledges it. That is it. I just wish people knew how important it is to us to acknowledge our son. There are certain family members who NEVER have mentioned him. Mostly they are Chris' family, save his Cousin Linda and her crew (praise God for their involvement in our lives).  My family was very much there when we lost him, but even now I think they don't so much remember anymore. They know we lost him, but I don;t know if anyone even remembers *when* anymore. For them, life went on. For me, it will never be the same. The day the doctor said the words "I am so sorry Mrs. Brown, but your baby has died" are burned into my memory. Losing him changed the fabric of my being. Some people may not remember but I will never forget.

Brody, we love you and miss you every day. We look forward to the day we see you again in Heaven little man.

Let off steam

So, what do you do with crazy people? The woman who harrassed my daughter is now calling MY phone trying to apologize. I do not answer blocked numbers, and that is what she does, so I let it go to voice mail. She is saying things like "I am so sorry, I know I was wrong" and in the same breath "You have to have heard rumors about me that aren't true" and then saying "I have heard rumors about you too, but I don't believe them". Okay, I have lived here for 7 months. I know 4 people in this town. Rumors? Really? If there are rumors about e I am HIGHLY amused as there is nothing to base them on. Up at the school I talk to NO ONE. This town is not friendly, no one wants to know you here. Then, she goes on to say "I am a Christian and I must ask for forgiveness. I thought you were a Christian too and Christian's forgive others".

Okay, here; Misty you are forgiven. Please do not call me, my daughter, or anyone else associated with me. I am a Christian, and I won't pass any judgements on you and your relationship with the Lord. What I will do is say that you have exhibited signs of serious issues and I prefer not to involve myself in them. I wish you the best in life. I am so sorry for the losses you have suffered. 

ENOUGH OF THAT

Still no word back from Houston. They keep saying they want him ASAP, but then turn around and wait 3 weeks to call back. So, do we wait another 3 weeks now? Chris says he is about through waiting and that he'll just make the best of things here and ride it out. Ugh. Makes me insane. I want some sort of contentment and stability. I hate feeling like we are sitting on "go". Really I do.

WIN the *all new* version 3 Rosetta Stone Homeschool LATIN program

Rosetta Stone is the fastest way to learn a language and has been the #1 foreign language curriculum among homeschoolers for a while — and you can WIN the *all new* version 3 Rosetta Stone Homeschool LATIN program… FOR FREE! This is the first year you can get Latin in the brand new Version III update.

This is a $259 program (and believe me it’s worth every penny!)
This is a computer based curriculum and Rosetta Stone will also include a headset with microphone, and a supplementary “Audio Companion” CD so you can practice lessons in the car, on the go, or where-ever! Students participate in life-like conversations and actually produce language to advance through the program. Rosetta Stone incorporates listening, reading, grammar, vocabulary and writing along with speaking and pronunciation lessons. For parents, the new Parent Administrative Tools are integrated into the program to allow parents to easily enroll up to ten students in any of 12 predetermined lesson plans, monitor student progress, grade completed work (the program grades the work automatically as the students progress- I love that!), and you can view and print reports for transcripts. Homeschooling a lot of kids at your house? This program is designed to enroll and track up to ten students (five users on two computers) and will work for nearly all ages — from beginning readers up to college students.

To win this most excellent Latin program copy these paragraphs and post them in (or as) your next blog post, and/OR link to the contest from your facebook page and/OR email the information to your homeschool support group – Then go to the original page http://Jeneralities.com and leave a comment saying that you’ve posted about, or have linked to, the contest. Please make sure the link works to get back to the original contest page when you post. And good luck!

Wordless Wednesday

10 reasons NOT to homeschool

I got these from this site (written by Jim Muncy). I know that we are making the right move pulling Michaela out to homeschool, and even more, keeping Troy out from day one. The more I research and the more I learn, the more I fear for my children's futures if their education is left to the government .

Ten Reasons Not to Homeschool

January 12, 1995

Why send your kids to public schools rather than homeschool. Here are ten good reasons

10. Skill development: Public schools do a great job of teaching children to sit down and shut up while the teacher engages in crowd control and mindless administrative duties. The ability to put one's mind on hold, sit there and do nothing is a skill that will be in high demand in the competitive marketplace of the future.

9. Lack of ability: I couldn't teach my own child--I don't know how. After all, anything meaningful in life can only be taught by those properly trained and certified to do so.

8. Financial aspects: We can't financially afford to homeschool. Without the school based health clinics, how could we afford to keep our children supplied with condoms and birth control.

7. Goals 2000: I want my children to learn all the correct stuff. Given how fast history changes, I want to be sure they are up on the most recent version.

6. Scheduling benefits: Staying on the same schedule as everybody else has its benefits. That way, when we go to Orlando, we can make sure that we spend our time waiting in lines rather than wasting it on all those rides and attractions.

5. Close friendships: I like the fact that my children are spending so much of their time with people not in their family. I would much rather my children's closest friendships be outside the family rather than within.

4. Separation of church and state: As long as we keep church and state separate, then the more time I can keep my kids under the control of the state, the less time they can possible be under the harmful influence of the church.

3. Socialization: What possible better way could there be to give your children the social skills they will need as adults than to stick them with children their own age all day. Besides, the best influence on your child is the one randomly assigned to the seat behind him or her in home room.

2. Class size: Learning can't occur in groups of less than twenty students. There is nothing quite like being lock-stepped through material with thirty other students to really develop within a person that true love for learning.

1. Class pace: I want my child to know how to learn at the proper pace. If a child can't keep up with the class, then it serves that child right to be left behind in the dust. If the child is learning too fast, then he or she needs to learn to slow down. And besides, what gives any child the right to assume that he or she can learn things he or she wants to learn rather than what the board of education decides should be taught for any given grade level. Anything learned at the wrong time might just as well be left unlearned.

Glad to be home

Got a Nissan Titan instead of a Tundra...no biggie, it's nice

Chris did well with his phone interview, so we wait now for his formal interview. They were really adamant about needing him soon, discussing pay and when he could start. One bad thing: They do not help with relocation. That makes it harder on us, but it's okay. We'll do it somehow. I just want them to call and get this show on the road. We are READY!!!

What a weekend, sad it is over

I enjoyed having the older two boys here with the rest of us this week. I sure miss them when they are gone. Had little to no sibling rivalry going on, and that is always nice. One thing I wonder is why do teenage boys feel the need to roughhouse constantly? I mean, what part of "keep your body parts to yourself" do they not get? They don't start out intending to fight, but usually one of them hurts the other on accident and it's *on*. LOL, boys!

I am taking the Exped to the body shop today and I will get a Toyota Tundra in it's place for a few days. Works for me.

I had nightmares all night last night. I think it was from drinking too much tea at supper. So, I feel like I got NO sleep, even though I was in bed 5 hours.

I have to go to the Sheriff's department and file a harassment complaint about an almost 40 year old woman harassing my daughter. She has spent 3 days calling her phone multiple times, the last voice mail was posing as an officer saying that my daughter would be taken to jail for making prank calls. Now, my daughter DID make a prank call to her son on his phone once (I checked the call log, it was just once). Then he pranked her back. All is well, right? No. Then the Mom jumps on board and it got ugly quick. She has called over 50 times. She was dumb enough to leave voice mails. She blocked her # but it still shows on the call log online. Dumb. So, I'll update after I go to let you know what they say.

So, Happy Monday to you. May it be a great one.

Boys are coming

The boys are coming home for Mother's day weekend. I am so excited. Trying to figure out what to plan with them. Hmmmmmm........

I have missed them greatly. Now that I have a camera that works, I can get pics of all 4 hopefully. I am going to try my best.

Michaela has a birthday part from 3-10 today, and she is stoked. I am happy for her. This little girl is the "most popular" and only invited 6 kids. Her other friends got left out, but she got invited. Sadly it is usually the other way around.

So, that is about it.

Okay okay, I'm back

Life has been so crazy. How about I just run this down by topic headings?

Chris and his job

Chris has been searching for another job for 5 months. His pay has been cut by 58% and that doesn't include the benefits, truck allowance, and bonuses taken away. This was all to save his job. Otherwise, he would be unemployed, and we prefer that he remain there as the pay is better than unemployment which maxes out at under $400/week. That wouldn't pay our bills and feed us.

He is qualified for all of these jobs that he applies for, in many cases overqualified. He gets a  lot of "thanks but no thanks" type emails and has had several "you fit the qualifications, we will be in touch with you" that never call. He has had calls that offer things not yet seen. The company that begged him to work for them last year said they "had an office with his name on it" and told him they'd call back within a week to make an offer. That was 3 weeks ago, and Chris checked in with them after a week. Now he refuses saying the ball in their court. I don;t care, he needs to call back.

He is willing to move anywhere in the country (or even overseas) to work and he is getting little to no bites. Really none, because there are no interviews. I just want him to get into a new job with stability and where he will be happy. He is a HARD worker and very thorough and committed. Any employer would be lucky to have him. 

Homeschool

Still getting ready to homeschool the kiddos. I am obsessed with curriculum searching but I think I am ALMOST done. I am excited about it though, and know this is the right thing for our family. Tested Michaela yesterday in math because the state test reflected her slightly above average in math which calls for remediation. She tested at a 7th grade starting level. She is in 5th grade. This furthers my opinion that the schools are not out to truly teach, just to inform and test. Not to mention the lack of morals. 

Michaela plans to start out in mixed 6/7th grade classes and to graduate at 16. She wants to start college classes from home at 16 and have a degree at 18, to build on. I think these are great goals and will try to help her accomplish them. Of course, I realize that even if they sound good to her now in two years they may not and she may not graduate until 18. I support her either way.

Cats

We now have nine kittens between our two momma cats. Spot's are three weeks old, and Ginger's three days. Ginger had one we believe to be bobcat hybrid. She even has a raspy meow and such. They are so cute all of them, but we are looking forward to them all going to their new homes. Then we'll get the girls fixed so we won't go through this again. Mooster is lonely without his girls (he is neutered). We have them in the house until their kittens go to new homes.

Vehicle

My expedition was hit in the parking lot at the orthodontists office yesterday, so it must be put into the shop for body work. I wanted to rent a Ford Flex, but no one has any, so I went with a Toyota Tundra instead. That works, right?

Multiple Sclerosis

I fell a couple of weeks ago and got badly bruised from my left shoulder to my left ankle. My hip and buttock got the worst of it. I have been doing pretty much okay otherwise, just fatigued. Still awaiting my lumbar puncture results.

My Work

I am now only working Saturdays twice a month, and one weekday a month. Chris does not like me working at all, as it makes everything harder on him (because of childcare, and his schedule is unpredictable and having to pick kids up by 5 or 6 is hard). However, we have to have the income, so I must do it. I still LOVE the hospital where I work and the people I work with. I love my patients too. :D

College

I am in my 6th class working towards my Bachelors in Entertainment business. In the first 3 I made 4.0 which is a 95% or better, 90-95% is a 3.5 GPA. Well, I think in my last two classes I sunk to 93-94% which will drop my GPA and that makes me SO SAD. I wanted to keep a 4.0 throughout school. However, I had an MS flare up, my lumbar puncture, work, and life and I just didn't do as well as usual. I know it's not bad, but I am still upset with myself.

That is it...I think I am finished. :D Until next time.

Wordless Wednesday