This day, Seven Years Ago

On this day, seven years ago, I gave birth to a perfectly made little boy.

He had the cutest little button nose,

and the broadest shoulders.

Both of these things were 100% like his Daddy.

He had full lips,

and "Flintstone" feet,

Just like me. 

Since Daddy and I both have very blue eyes,

we knew his would be too. 

He was beautiful.

We loved him before we ever saw him.

We loved him fully and completely even though we...

never heard his precious cries

never rejoiced in his lovely giggles

never clapped as his took his first steps

or anything else.

His Daddy and I excitedly anticipated meeting him,

but, he went to meet Jesus instead.

Our precious son, Brody Michael, was "still born".

His heart stopped beating before he left my body. 

He was perfect in every way.

My body stole away his blood supply,

robbing him of life...

and robbing us of him. 

I can rejoice that he will never know sorrow,

or pain,

or heartbreak,

or disappointment,

or struggle of any kind. 

However, every day, I think of him.

I wonder what he would be like today.

I miss all of the things I would be doing with him.

I miss him.

His father misses him.

His brothers and sister miss him.

My mother misses him.

My grandmother, my aunt, and many others in my family miss him. 

My best friend misses him.

He lived, and he lives on in our lives.

Our grief is still very real, though it is in a different place than it was 7 years ago. 

Thank you...

to those of you who still think of Brody,

Thank you...

to those of you who think of us & how our lives were forever changed 

when we said good-bye to our little man. 

Six years ago...

Six years ago I was blissfully pregnant, looking forward to the arrival of my little Brody. We had bought his crib and had decided on which bedding to order. A sweet family member of Chris' had planned a baby shower for us at their family reunion, held on Memorial Day weekend every year. We had registered, we were so excited about him. We loved him with all we had, though he had not yet been born. I felt his kicks, I felt his rolls. Daddy would talk to him and lay his hand on my tummy to feel him respond. We were past the "danger zone". We were supposed to be able to bring him home. Little did I know that just a few days later our world would fall apart. Everything we knew about life changed when they told us our little boy no longer had a heartbeat, and that we would be delivering a dead baby.

We never made it to the family reunion, instead, we delivered our little boy. Perfect in every way, except  he had no heartbeat. My body had decided to take that from him. My body, it betrayed me. and cut off his blood supply.

You just don't know what losing a baby is like until it happens. People seem to think you need to just "get over it" or "move on". Just let me tell you this: you can't.