Friday, May 15, 2009

4 years this month...

It is been 4 years this month since my little Brody grew his angel wings and went to be with Jesus. I thought after 4 years this would get easier, and for the most part it is. Not a day goes by I don't think of him, wonder what he'd be like, and miss him with a feeling beyond measure. He should be here with us playing with his brother Troy. Two 3 year olds would be a hand-full, but I'd rather have my hands full that part of my heart missing. 

Most days now I don't cry. Most days I can smile when I think of him. Today is not one of those days and I think it has been building. I can't stop thinking about him and missing him. Every day we get closer to his "birth" day, I feel it so much more. Memorial weekend. The weekend we had to say goodbye before we even got to say hello. I still remember it like it was yesterday. His tiny little feet, his broad shoulders, he's cute little turned up nose (like Daddy's). It's all so fresh and yet so distant. one remembers his day. No one mentions him. No one honors his life, even as brief as it was. Well, not "no one", but very few. I do. My husband does. My best friend ALWAYS does and acknowledges it. That is it. I just wish people knew how important it is to us to acknowledge our son. There are certain family members who NEVER have mentioned him. Mostly they are Chris' family, save his Cousin Linda and her crew (praise God for their involvement in our lives).  My family was very much there when we lost him, but even now I think they don't so much remember anymore. They know we lost him, but I don;t know if anyone even remembers *when* anymore. For them, life went on. For me, it will never be the same. The day the doctor said the words "I am so sorry Mrs. Brown, but your baby has died" are burned into my memory. Losing him changed the fabric of my being. Some people may not remember but I will never forget.

Brody, we love you and miss you every day. We look forward to the day we see you again in Heaven little man.

1 comment:

  1. My prayers are with you and your family. Yesterday would have been my step-son's 18th birthday. He died this past October. Life just doesn't feel right without him. I don't know how to behave. I sympathize with you.


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